Yeah I had opened up till my proposal to her in “Caesar’s Riddle” . I’m not eagerly waiting for the answers since I know she loves me too. But the thing is her family in both of our minds. Before she started to say “No” i filled up each and every sentence very clearly. Let me sum up shortly.
I know you are not mine forever but i couldn’t stop telling that I truly madly deeply in love with you.
I know you can’t say “Yes” at the same time i’ll also never will push you to do that.
I know you wish to be The princess in your dad’s hands rather being a queen in my Soul
I know I can’t cheat your family since they are all my mine too.
Anyways i’m glad that i opened up something that has been prickling my heart for a long time. Eventhough we open up everything I felt like few more is missing. Lols sometime a long paragraph feels like a single sentence. Searching for the appropriate words were a bit trouble. Eventhough i can’t say everything, all my heart wanted is a sleep since i didn’t sleep for the whole night thinking what will happen if i say all these stuffs. Yeah i remember it was in the early morning some where in a hotel at “Agra”. Shajahan did some magic in me so that i had courage to open up everything.
Things were smooth for a year from my proposal. She didn’t say Yes at the same time she didn’t say No too. Genics are good in this they can easily confuse our state of mind, but they will be clear with their decisions. My state of mind for a year was how this relationship is going to be in future will she add my name with her or with someone. Finally I was completely sinked in the boat called love. I left her without even saying reasons. I felt like if this continues i cant bare to see her holding someone’ hand. Smiling with him. Sharing all her stuffs with someone.
Three months i didn’t text her, I didn’t call her. At the same time i avoided her texts and calls. Reading her old conversations were the only thing that gave me peace. It filled my surrounding with her smiles and memories. I heard that if you are in love with someone, they said all the girls in the world will be like her let me try to change this phrase it ‘ll be like whom so ever falls in your eyes it’s your heart pursues that it is she and makes you jester .
I don’t want to bore you anymore. Finally those three months silence made me comfortable. I texted her atlast. There everything started. She cried, she said those magical terms.
She confessed that I never thought I’ll be this sick when you were not with me. Each and every beat of my heart reminded me of your name. I’m completely living in a desert of sands where i haven’t been. Finally i heard those terms I Love You. Please don’t leave me ever. I can’t even imagine a life without you. Now what should i say i became a imperative. My heart started to beat faster. To be frank in a second millions of questions raised in my heart. I’m emotional too this is all i wanted to hear. But now the thing is I left her to make me strong, but now everything is upside down.
I accepted it too finally. We started to float in the mid air as in fairy tales. Those three months helped her to realize the need of me in her life. Things are different with me now a fear indulges with me whether i’m capable of going through this. Am I pagal, to think this late. Now we both are in different poles, her love to me was unimaginable and the fear of me towards the end is unpredictable.
Being a masculine I should be brave enough to tackle all those stuffs, eventhough its my nature i’m not a coward but a sentimental idiot who didn’t want to spoil a family for my own sake . Apart from everything there was fantastic bliss between us. You know what even now I’m smiling about the past that makes me greedy too. Will catch you with my agony in next blog.